Ever noticed that men are actually a LOT
different from the way they portray themselves?
They like us to think of them as single, and
loving it – as though their bachelor days are the
best days of their lives. They jokingly refer to
their friends’ girlfriends as “the ball and
chain”, and they brag to their mates about their
prowess in the one-night-stand department (“Dude!
I scored three chicks over the weekend!”)
Yet, underneath all the braggadocio, men are
actually just as tuned-in for love as women are.
Statistical surveys tell us that 39% of single men
rate “finding a relationship” as one of the most
important aspects of life (compared to 26% of
single women – how’s that for unexpected?)
But statistics aside, there are certain
qualities a woman can have which give her a
significant advantage in the quest to find a
satisfying relationship. Fact: there are certain
feminine attributes which men consider to be
universally attractive.
You’ll learn ALL about what it is that makes women
truly irresistible to men (two fantastic bonuses:
it’s not about physical attractiveness, and the
results are immediate!)
To give you a quick taster, I’m going to give
you the top five “great girlfriend”
characteristics that are UNIVERSALLY DESIRED by
men. These are the traits that the popular women
have: the things that get them the thumbs-up from
a guy’s friends, parents, and – most importantly -
the guy himself.
Trait #1: You strike the balance between
appreciative and independent.
This means you pull your own weight when it
comes to dates, money, and handling situations -
yet at the same time, you’re able to relax and
enjoy it when he makes an effort to take care of
you.
Some women are aware of the appeal of an
independent female, and their enthusiasm to fulfil
this modern-day ideal will actually lead them in
the wrong direction. There they will sit,
steely-eyed, Amex in hand, as the waiter
approaches with the bill – conveying iron-fisted
Women-Can-Do-Anything-And-Don’t-You-DARE-Pay
willpower to everyone within a ten-foot radius.
And then, at the opposite end of the spectrum,
is the girl who mysteriously has to pay a visit to
the bathroom JUST as the check arrives … or is the
first out of the taxi and last to the bar, every
time … or who stands there waiting for assistance
whenever she’s got more than 2 grocery bags to
carry.
Fact: neither of these women are attractive to
men.
Men like to feel that you appreciate their
efforts towards chivalry, and most of them will
get a rush from things like opening doors for you
and paying for movie tickets. It’s important to
allow him the opportunity to do little things for
you. But take it too far, and that sense of
pleasure will turn to resentment.
The trick is to strike a happy balance. You
want to allow him to indulge his masculine desire
to protect, provide, and give pleasure, but
without making him feel like you’re taking him for
granted.
In other words, if you expect dinner, dessert,
and parking to be paid for every time, or if you
make a habit of accepting drinks but never buying
them, then you’ll be filed away under “Avoid
Phone-Calls From” for future reference.
Here’s a good rule of thumb: appreciate, enjoy,
but NEVER expect. And make sure he knows it.
Trait #2: You’re happy to let him have his own
life
Closeness is a fantastic thing. It’s elusive -
most people spend their lives searching for a
soul-connection with someone. So when you develop
a relationship with someone who you think to
yourself could be “The One”, it’s tempting to
spend ALL your time with them.
But men need to know that, should things
between you ever reach that kind of level, that
you’ll still be OK with him having interests and
friends of his own. He needs to know that he won’t
need to account for his every move, or apologize
to you for having a late night out every so often.
And this is a two-way street: not only does he
need his independence from you, but he wants YOU
to need your independence from him, too.
It’s uncomfortable for ANYONE to feel like
somebody else’s entire life centers around nothing
but them. Put him up on a pedestal, and shirk your
other interests and friendships in favor of
hanging out with him, and he’ll slip through your
fingers like quicksilver – scared off by the
burden of importance you’ve placed on him.
The trick to maintaining a happy status quo?
It’s called Live and Let Live. Men will value a
partner who WANTS to hang out with them, but
doesn’t NEED them to be around – someone who
enjoys their company when they’re around, and is
happy to get on with her own life when they’re
not.
(By the way, if this is a topic that you’d like
to learn more about, then you’ll find “Conversation
Chemistry” very much worth your while.
It’s available now at:
https://www.meetyoursweet.com/conversationchemistry/.)
So be affectionate, by all means – just don’t
translate “affection” into “neediness”.
Trait #3: You Keep Yourself Together – But
Don’t Take It Too Far
Spending more than half an hour getting ready
for a date when he’s waiting for you in the other
room is an ABSOLUTE no-no. It’s nice that you like
to look nice – but anything more than half an hour
MAXIMUM is asking way, way too much. (To really
score bonus points, you’ll make a habit of being
ready by the time he knocks on your door.)
However, it’s possible to take this to the
other extreme: if you put a lot of effort into
your appearance when you first started hanging
out, but 10 dates down the line you’ve graduated
to holey underwear and trackpants 24/7, he’s not
going to be too impressed.
Sound shallow? Just think how you’d feel if
your hot boyfriend with the washboard stomach
turned out to be a professional couch-potato slob
with a penchant for 12-packs (the aluminum kind,
not the abdominal kind) and Krispy Kremes. You’d
feel a bit cheated, wouldn’t you?
The ideal girlfriend will keep herself looking
tidy and together (because SHE wants to, not
because HE wants her to) but won’t need an
exhaustive 2-hour primping routine just to go grab
brunch together.
Trait #4 You Don’t Load Him Down With Your
Insecurities
We’re all human. Every one of us, male or
female, has our own set of insecurities and
hang-ups. The average well-adjusted man can handle
that, and he’s able to sympathize with you and
support you through them – AFTER HE’S GOT TO KNOW
YOU A LITTLE BIT.
How does this translate to you and your life?
Just remember that people are looking for a
partner who’s going to burden them with as few
insecurities and hang-ups as possible.
The early days are NOT a good time for you to
confess that your parents divorced when you were a
child, therefore you struggle with abandonment
issues. You might feel relieved and happy to have
found someone you can trust; he’ll hear, “Say
bye-bye to your friends, your hobbies, and your
independence, buddy!”
Likewise, you should stay away from bloopers
such as “misreading” compliments (he tells you
that you look nice; you scoff and ask him if he’s
somehow overlooked your butt/thighs/the pimple on
your chin), asking him to tell you that he loves
you “just so you can relax”, or making a point of
pointing out pretty girls’ flaws to make yourself
feel better (tip: you’ll do far, FAR better if you
actually POINT OUT a hot girl and compliment her.)
Look, these things cross all of our minds
sooner or later. We all have our low moments, when
all we want is to be hugged and told that
everything’s going to be OK. But you have to give
it time. You can’t overload the poor bloke with
too much responsibility, too early on – you want
him to feel like a boyfriend, not a babysitter!
It’s hard to know where to draw the line – you
want to be able to trust this person with your
true feelings, but you don’t want to actually
drive him away.
https://www.meetyoursweet.com/selfconfidence/women/index.php
has a fantastic section on learning how to be
honest and comfortable in your relationships
WITHOUT killing the attraction.
Remember, if you’re interested in scoring
“great girlfriend” points, you’ll do things that
show how confident and secure you are in yourself
- not things that showcase your insecurities.
Remember, how we see ourselves sets the tone for
how others see us.
Trait #5: He is not your project (and you both
know it)
How many men complain that their female halves
are trying to “better” them?
I always feel so sorry for these poor guys. It
must be dreadful. They attract a woman who they
honesty believe loves (or at least LIKES) them for
who they are.
After a month or so passes, the criticism sets
in. Could he lose that weight he keeps talking
about? It’s bad for his health, and he’d look so
much better without it. Could he stop wearing
those daggy T-shirts? It’s embarrassing to be seen
out with him looking like that. He should really
stop eating take-out if he wants to see 65 … and
so on.
Women know that this nagging is a form of
affection: they’re taking responsibility for the
health and wellbeing of their men, because they
don’t see that man as being able to take
sufficient care of himself.
Men, on the other hand, do not see it as a sign
of affection. They see it as a boring, irritating
nuisance. No man on the face of the earth has EVER
liked being nagged. (Did you know that in 18th
century England it was actually legal to douse a
woman in the river and pelt her with stones if she
was convicted of nagging?)
Not only does nagging and criticism convey an
essential disrespect for that man’s basic
personality and habits, but it also tells him that
you consider yourself and your opinions superior
to his. He’s become your project: you’re going to
“fix” him, even if he doesn’t want to be fixed.
Not surprisingly, ALL men resent this in
varying degrees. Some will tell you in short order
where to go, some will resignedly tolerate it
(stuffing their ears with cotton-wool where
necessary), but not a one of them will ever
appreciate it.
Instead of trying to fix him, show him how
supportive you’re likely to be as a long-term
girlfriend. Make him feel GOOD about himself. Show
him how you can be an asset to his self-esteem,
social status, and life. If he shows you a project
he’s working on, reads you some of the novel he’s
writing in his spare time, or lets you take a peek
at his amateur cartoon strips, be enthusiastic in
your praise and support of his efforts. And save
your “suggestions” on his eating habits, wardrobe,
and alcoholic excesses … do you want to be the
fun-loving companion that he loves to spend time
with, or the authoritarian mother-figure who
sparks irritation and resentment?
Men get enough competition from their male
friends that they appreciate support from you all
the more. Showing that you’re the kind of lady
who’ll make him feel good about himself will show
him that you’re likely to be a supportive
long-term girlfriend, too.
Don’t forget, these are just 5 tips on making
yourself irresistible to men. For the full skinny
on being the kind of woman that men can’t stay
away from, check out
http://www.000relationships.com/tomen/. This is a
FANTASTIC resource – it’s bursting with
tried-and-true strategies and honest, easy to
implement techniques for getting rid of all your
dating and relationship hang-ups, and finding out
the secrets of attracting men!
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