Understanding What Went Wrong

When a breakup happens, many women start doing

one thing – thinking, and thinking some more.

They try to figure out why the breakup happened.

Women do not need

to do this – that their first effort should NOT

be to try to figure out why a breakup happened.

Focus on getting back together, and

that WHEN you are back together, that will be the

time to address the cause of the breakup.

Surprised to hear that?

“Dealing with exactly why the breakup occurred isn’t

necessary until the relationship is established again,

and the man feels safe enough to share and to explore

those feelings/reasons.”

“The Woman

Men Adore” talks to many men and women who are

going through a divorce. He advises that the

first few months after a divorce/breakup are NOT

the time to try and figure out what went wrong.

“The first and most critical step is to allow

yourself time to heal. DON’T isolate yourself.

If you did, it would be impossible for others to

support you. The first 6 months to a year

after a divorce are hard enough, so don’t make it

worse. Force yourself to rise from your sorrow if

you have to. Get out there and spend time around

caring people – now more than ever.”

We may discover that we are always

secretly drawn to men who expose areas in our lives

that we need to work on. “They push your buttons,”

Bob says. “The men you date or marry will expose

your unresolved issue – always.”

Take this example: Susan just got divorced. Her

husband always expressed anger by yelling. This

made her feel out of control. Susan now swears

that she will never again marry a man who yells.

“Within 2 years, Susan meets and marries Jeff. Jeff

never gets angry. Problem solved – right? No. Jeff

gets angry like everyone else, but when he’s angry,

he becomes silent. Susan finds that this silence

brings about the same panic in her that her first

husband’s yelling did,” says Bob.

“Has she made a bad choice with Jeff? No, but she

has to deal with those feelings of being out of

control. The situation forces her to deal with those

feelings. If she blames Jeff for her unhappiness,

she is destined to divorce again.”

“To fully

rise from the pain of a breakup, the final stage

of healing is so simple yet most people miss it:

“Forgive yourself, and forgive your ex. Forgive

yourself for all the things you could have done.

Forgive your spouse for everything you wish he had

done.

“Make the decision to move on and leave the

past behind, no matter what it is. That is the

final step in emerging from a divorce or breakup.”

From Mimi Tanner